Darkness Falls
by Genesis Grey
Summary: A somewhat dark story about Mika's feelings of lonliness.


::Darkness Falls:: 

It was dark. 

It always seemed dark these days, Mika thought as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. She supposed she could turn on the light, but that would only make the room brighter, it wouldn't do a thing for the darkness in her heart. 

She didn't have to hold back her tears. They didn't come any more. They'd stopped a long time ago. Not that she had reason to cry. She was considered one of the luckiest women in Japan. Daughter of a long-standing shrine with a good heritage. Sister to Yuki Eiri, one of the most well-known writers in Japan. And married to Seguchi Tohma, producer and keyboardist for Nittle Grasper, President of NG. What more could she want? 

A sardonic smirk appeared on her face as she unfolded her legs and stood up. 

People envied what they didn't know. 

They didn't know she was forced to be the mediator between her father and Eiri in a long battle that seemed to have no end. They didn't know how she did everything in her power to protect her brothers and received nothing but their resentment and annoyance. They didn't know her marriage was a virtual sham, that Tohma loved her brother, his music, and his company far more than he'd ever love her. 

Mika walked into the bathroom. She didn't bother to flip on the lights. She just left the door open and let the light filter in from the hallway. 

Her hands were shaking as she opened the mirror and picked up the razor. She inhaled sharply as light glinted off the blade. Slowly she slipped down to the bathroom floor, marveling at how surprisingly comfortable the bathmat was. 

Maybe it was better this way. 

The only person who would really notice would be Tatsuha; and he had his obsession with Ryuichi and duty to the shrine to carry him though. They really didn't see each other that much anyway. Mika almost laughed. He didn't even come to visit her anymore. The last time he'd been in Tokyo was to round up Eiri's errant fiancée and he hadn't even called. 

Her father would notice when he couldn't find her to hunt down Eiri. And Eiri would notice when she didn't show up at his house to pester him. He'd probably be happy about that. 

Mika sniffed. 

She could still remember when her little blond brother was happy to see her. When Eiri came to her for help. It had been her fault he'd gone off to New York with Tohma. It had been her suggestion; so that he could get away from their father and all the duties the man tried to put on Eiri's young shoulders; so that Eiri could be around people who wouldn't think badly of his hair and eye color. She thought it would be better if he stayed with Tohma who'd had the same troubles as a child. 

Mika let out a small cry and gulped down hard. 

Now Eiri hardly spoke to her. He intentionally tried to cut her, saying Shuichi was more important than her, breaking his promise to her. She knew that was true now, that Shuichi was more important, but then… then he hadn't cared for Shuichi. He'd just used the boy as a pawn to get rid of her and she saw it in his eyes when he said it. Even then, it seemed, Shuichi was more important than her. Anyone was more important than her. 

Mika choked. The tears still didn't come. 

And then there was Tohma. He would notice, someone had to find her after all, but then he would bury himself in his music and his work like he always did to forget about the little things, the little heartaches. It would be better for him this way. He wouldn't have to worry about staying late at work, how long business trips were taking. He would be free again. 

She smiled bitterly as she tested the razor against her thumb. It was very sharp. 

Maybe her death would serve a purpose. Tohma could be around Eiri all he wanted. He'd have a reason, after all, the grieving husband and brother should probably comfort one another. Maybe Eiri would finally see how much Tohma cared for him and the two people she adored most would be together. 

An impossible scenario, she decided as she remembered Shuichi. She smirked. Another person whose life would be better if she weren't around. He would no longer have Eiri's big sister butting in on his personal affairs and trying to use him against his lover. She sighed. She hadn't meant it like that, but she was sure that was how Shuichi must have seen it. She was glad the boy truly cared for her brother. 

Mika stared at the razor. 

A small part of her screamed for sensibility to prevail, that the pain didn't hurt enough to justify what she was thinking. That if she just waited until Tohma came back from New York tomorrow everything would be fine. 

Bitterly she thought how Tohma would hardly have a moment for her before he ran off to play with Nittle Grasper or sign some new group that NG had its eye on. He would probably even stop to see Eiri before her. She shook her head. That was mean. He always appreciated when she picked him up at the airport, gave her a little smile as the walked to the car. 

Her fingers gripped the razor tighter. Was this really what she wanted to do? 

She pulled the cel phone out of her pocket and reached up to put it on the bathroom counter. She stared at it for a moment as it loomed over here like a heavenly judge sent to weigh her life on the scales. 

"If Tatsuha or Eiri or Tohma call I'll tell them what I'm doing and they can save my life if they want," she shakily said aloud, needing to hear the sound of her own voice. "If they don't… maybe it really is better this way." 

She stared hopefully at the phone for a moment, but it didn't ring. It never seemed to ring. Her eyes drifted back down to the razor as she told herself it was the right decision. It was the only way everyone could be happy. 

Mika pressed the razor against her skin and let out a small sound as the metal cut into her flesh. It was all the pain in her life made physical. Blood began to flow from the deep vertical cut as she grabbed the razor with her other hand and made the same cut down her other wrist. She gasped loudly, leaning her head back as her trembling hand dropped the razor to the floor. 

"Is all I want is someone to like me best," she said weakly to the dark and empty bathroom as a tear finally managed to roll down her cheek. 

If felt strange and numbing. She could actually feel the blood seeping from her wrists. She marveled at the detached feeling as she watched her fingers move. She slowly lowered herself to the floor and watch the blood pool onto the pristine white tiles. She imagined if the bathroom lights were on it would look strangely beautiful. It was a lot of blood. 

"Mika." 

She opened her eyes, not even realizing that she had closed them. She wasn't sure how much time had passed. Minutes, more maybe, maybe less. She wasn't sure. Her eyes gazed up at the phone for a moment and she waited. She could have sworn she'd heard a sound, but the phone didn't seem to be ringing. She closed her eyes again. 

"Mika!" 

Her eyes opened again and she let out a strangled shriek as light blinded her. She tried to raise her arms to block the light, but they just felt like dead weight. A shadow fell over her and she could feel someone touching her arms, her forehead, and trying to stop the bleeding from her wrists. 

Slowly her eyes adjusted to the light, someone had turned on the bathroom lights. At first she could only see the dark silhouette hovering over her, but slowly the vision cleared and the man came into focus. Tohma 

"To…hm…a…" was all she managed to choke out. 

"Hold on Mika," he said, laying her back on the floor as he got to his feet and ran out of the room. 

Mika's head was reeling as she tried to sit up, only managing to slide back to the floor as her hands slipped on her own blood. Her mind tried to comprehend if Tohma had really been there. The lights were on in the bathroom and the cel phone had be knocked into the corner, virtually out of sight. She was almost positive that someone had been holding her and there were streaks in the blood that her flailing couldn't have made. But Tohma was supposed to be in New York until tomorrow. 

"The paramedics are coming, Mika," Tohma said as he entered the bathroom again, dropping the portable phone on the ground and falling to his knees as he took hold of her shoulders. He sat on the floor and pulled Mika against his chest, holding her wrists tight, trying to stop the bleeding. "Just hold on." 

He was rocking slightly and murmuring soft sounds into Mika's ear to keep her awake. "Don't close your eyes," he said softly and Mika recognized the tone as the voice he used with Eiri. That soft, caring voice. 

She choked as another tear rolled down her cheek. Tohma wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be in New York. He wasn't supposed to be forced to deal with her stupidity any more. He wasn't supposed to try and save her. Suddenly a realization hit her. 

"I…" Mika gasped in a deep breath, "I'm sorry," she managed to say finally as her head dropped against his shoulder. "I… I didn't… didn't think how… this would… reflect on… on you. The… NG… president of… NG's wife… committing su… suicide. I'm sor… so very sorry…" 

"Shhhhh, Mika," Tohma said, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. "You'll be okay. The paramedics will be here soon." 

"… sorry…" Mika gasped out. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of what her suicide would do for Tohma's reputation. Maybe he could keep it out of the media. She moaned as she remembered her family's shrine. She hoped she wouldn't be traced back to them. At least Eiri didn't write under his own name. She tried to smirk. Just one more screw up in a long line of them. 

"Mika, don't close your eyes," Tohma said in a commanding tone and Mika opened her eyes, not realizing she'd close them again. 

She was so tired. She let her body relax against Tohma for a moment. It felt so nice to have him hold her and talk to her in that soft, gentle voice. She closed her eyes and sighed at the darkness that overwhelmed her. 

It was so dark. 

----- 

Author's Notes: Well, this is part one in a 5 story arc thing I'm writing… yeah… that's about it. Sorry, not much to say. ^_^ Please tell me what you think! 


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